Pay attention

08/12/2022

Going into the summer, I needed to sort of compartmentalize the different parts: Israel, the wedding and after. Today, I am in the after and it’s a bit overwhelming.

After my granddaughter got engaged, mixed in with all of the excitement of new beginnings for her, was the overwhelming question of how all of this preparation for the simcha gets done. And while I am still very able, I have to accept that it takes more energy; for some reason, while my peers are slowing down and moving on to a more sedentary lifestyle, I have not nor do I seem to want to.

When I had a fun eyebrow procedure done in Israel, I needed some new ones, the Hebrew speaking esthetician asked my daughter: “ People in America work at this age?”

I guess I’m still processing that comment, but it did get me thinking.

We landed just a week ago after a glorious five weeks in the place we like to call home, Israel. It is clear from what I have shared that it was fabulous, restful and restorative. We loved it. But( there are no buts) but sadly there are, we landed with a thud.

When you neglect some things they somehow find a way to remind you that while you were away things continue to happen without you. Our house, which may be old and charming, can be nasty. Like the leak in the shower that keeps coming back no matter what we do; two ceiling cracks in the kitchen and now a new long one that I just noticed in the living room.

Or the lovely gifts of a broken dryer, a dying fridge and how to work that out when a family of 8 is at long last coming to stay for three weeks.

The cracks we will deal with, AGAIN, at another time. But, there is that word again, the dryer and the fridge, (red light, red light) demanded immediate attention.

We chose to fix the dryer instead of buying a new one for almost the same price, 450 dollar motor, because of the crazy post COVID supply chain,the new model dryers break in five minutes, and we have no easy access to our basement level.

Truth be told, that last reason is THE reason. And, with 6 kids, 4 adults and a steamy summer, we needed it done pronto.

What I did not want to believe but had to when the food in the freezer was soft and my water bottle did not freeze, the 30 year old pink work horse was saying, “I’m done”. Over the course of the next 4 days it started to take its last breaths despite the three bags of ice triage.

Baruch Dayan Emet, Rest In Peace; she did her job and now she is done.

We do have a back up 12 year old fridge in the basement, but somehow running up and down the stairs and remembering what food was there or where, did not help all that much. And not wanting to disturb kids sleeping everywhere, we never did locate that bottle of milk until we uploaded the new one.

In all of this chaos, I tried really hard not to be upset when my hairdresser got COVID the day before my much needed wedding haircut; I had not had one since early June and I looked like a wild woman. I got a back up haircut last minute that is okay but whatever.

I did not allow myself to be upset because my hosting plans went sideways without a fridge. The family BBQ turned out a little more hectic and a lot of up and down the stairs to the basement fridge. It was still delicious and populated with the people that I cherish and love.

Our children were finally together after four long years of separation. Most of our grandkids would be dancing at the wedding; three of our boys are at camp and could not leave. We would have Deutsch side siblings at a simcha. Two prior COVID weddings precluded our daughters and their families from participating in the twins’ weddings. We so missed them but others lost more; we are grateful for the good we enjoy.

There is something surreal and magical about any wedding, big or small, lavish or simple. The chattan and kallah arrive to their simcha with shiny eyes and broad grins; it is the first day of the rest of their lives. Their suitcases are filled with dreams and hopes for a beautiful life together.

Grandparents come for the nachat.

We have no other jobs but to grin and cry. Grandparents earn their seats at the table through their unconditional love and inappropriate and useless presents, help with babysitting and homework and make greasy yummy unhealthy foods.

They are expected to come three hours before a simcha to smile and to take three pictures.

Being a grandparent Is a smorgasbord of joy! Not everyone gets to be a part of a grandchild’s wedding; when you do have that Zchut, you savor it!

We did/do!

It is always important to pay attention. So when something gets neglected by your absence or because you looked away, stuff will happen. Hopefully, things are just things and fixable; a dryer or a fridge. But when it comes to people and relationships, not so much.

Relationships must be nurtured and engaged. We need to make the time, even when away, to stay connected. We must remember the people in our lives and work hard to let them know that we care about them even when we don’t see them daily or often. A quick email, text or phone call can save the bonds of friendship and family ties.

In this after, I am trying to juggle and pick up the loose ends left by after the wedding and helping to get school started. The dryer and fridge are fixed and replaced. People cannot be replaced. Hopefully they can be fixed, a gamble not worth taking.

Now is the time for me to fix me so that I can be ready for school; I’m not ready to be replaced.

My eyebrows are ready, I need them

to maintain my “look”.

Stay safe, Shabbat Shalom.